Xenomorph (Alien franchise)
i <3 xenos!!!
GLaDOS (Portal 1 & 2)
GLaDOS is my favorite character of all time. Her backstory, her belittling comments, her brattiness, her design?? Ough. I adore everything about her and if I had the chance I would smash. Hashtag milf nation.
Moder (The Ritual)
She's honestly the hottest horror movie monster I've ever seen. She impales people on trees and has a cult of worshippers who may or may not be immortal. I'd worship that too, like DAMN. Number 1 milf material here. She takes up the No.2 wife spot if me n the xenomorph ever decide to open the relationship (joking. or am I.)
Medic (TF2)
Medic is the pinnacle of the mad scientist archetype with the perfect dose of comedy and brilliant voice acting. AND he's gay as fuck. I'm really REALLY glad I got back into TF2 just in time to watch his VA proclaim in-character his passionate love for the Heavy Weapons Guy. Now that the comic is concluded, I'm somewhat disappointed by the lack of screen time our mercs (including medic and heavy) get, but it looks like our two lovebirds are still together, and for that I am grateful. gotta love this crazy motherfucker and his baboon child.
Ellen Ripley (Alien franchise)
She's literally the perfect character. The competence, the horrific trauma, the lesbianism, the anticapitalist ideology, the forklift certification. She's got it all. Her sexual tension with Call in Alien: Resurrection is also top tier.
Lt. Vasquez (Aliens 1986)
She's one of the few notable butch women in media, and I cherish her for it. She's also a dickhead but I can ignore it because she's hot. I admit I rewatch Aliens frequently just for her. (sidenote: Can we PLEASE bring back sweaty butch women in tank tops in scifi movies? At this point they're an endangered species)
Spongebob Squarepants
Honestly one of the only characters that never fail to put a smile on my face. I grew up with the show, everything abt it means the world to me.
Starscream (Transformers franchise)
Starscream is the quintessential transfem that the writers didn't intend to write as transfem. In all iterations her defining feature is how treacherous she is and I love herrrr. Will I get a complete animated story arc focused on her and her alone? Probably not. But I can dream.
What I like most about her is the fact that she's the most batshit self destructive character in what's usually a pretty lowkey cast, and given a competent enough writing staff, that can lead to so much depth and character introspection. Although her Transformers Prime version will always be a fav, the fact that she was always used as a punching bag by the narrative kills me. She had a perfect setup for a redemption arc and then season three happened and. Ugh. I'm still mad about the wasted potential. Plus her DESIGN in tfp???? Fuck man! They were given jack shit to work with from the Bay movie designs and they knocked it out of the park.
V (V for Vendetta)
I was already a socialist when I read this comic, but thanks to V's transgender swag and impeccable music taste, now I'm an anarchist. V matters less as a character and more as an idea, but he's written with so much camp it's impossible not to love the guy. I have some beef with his movie portrayal, but narrative stupidity aside, the scene where he's making breakfast in a frilly pink apron lives in my head rent free.
Mavis (Hotel Transylvania franchise)
LOOK AT HERRRR she's so cute. She's the platonic ideal of a baby bat goth to me. I want to squish her cheeks. I don't like anything about Johnny and her dad is overbearing and creepy so I'm taking custody of her from these movies. This character is mine now.
Pickles the Drummer (Metalocalypse)
Transmasc, gay, balding, addict, a midwesterner, and stupid as all hell. Ironically he's based off of my favorite musician, Devin Townsend. What's not to like? His role as "band mom" in Doomstar Requiem and Army of the Doomstar was SO fitting, and his chemistry with his bandmates is always entertaining as hell.
Sadie Adler (Red Dead Redemption 2)
Fr though Sadie Adler begins the game as a grieving widow dependant entirely on the kindness of a bunch of misfit outlaws and progresses through the story with one of the strongest character arcs ever (besides the main character, Arthur's). She harnesses her grief and goes from a "damsel" to a pants-wearing, gunslinging, ridiculously competent bounty hunter over the course of the game. While these qualities alone would make an interesting, albiet two-dimensional character, what makes Sadie stand out is her camaraderie with Arthur, John, and the other women of the gang. She may be hell-bent on revenge, but she's still a fundamentally kind person. As the game progresses, she becomes a provider to those weaker than her, looking out for Arthur in his last days and ensuring safety for Tilly, Abigail, Jack, and John. She's a knight in shining armor to the other characters and saying her butch lesbian swag is her best quality borders on reductive (if still true). In conclusion, AWOOGA.
Frank 'N Furter (Rocky Horror Picture Show)
The MAGNETISM this character has onscreen! There's a reason this movie was a queer awakening/affirmation for so many decades, despite its problematic elements. Tim Curry moves like a cartoon and nobody but him could've put that much faggot swagger into the role.
Queen Akasha (Queen of the Damned)
My mom watched this a lot when I was a kid and it definitely awakened something in me. Sure the movie kinda sucked but I imagined myself in that rose petal bath scene with her before I even knew what being gay WAS. RIP to her brilliant actress, Aaliyah, for her brilliant performance in this movie. That scene where she eats some guy's heart is sheer perfection.
Clopin Trouillefou (Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame)
I don't actually care much for Disney's sidelining of him in this movie but his character design slaps and his voice actor fucking SLAYED. I'm also a big fan of yellow and purple, so bonus points for swag color scheme.
Nightshade (Transformers: Earthspark)
My newest blorbo!! I relate to Nightshade so fucking hard; the autism, the gender, the campy goth proclivities. There's literally nothing I don't like about them. Every time I remember the line, "Nonbinary? What a wonderful word for a wonderful experience." I cry a little. Still can't believe this character is real.
Alucard (Hellsing & Hellsing Ultimate)
Alucard is THE agender lesbian. To me. I adore how uncanny and dropdead gorgeous they are. Plus the cool shades. It's like the distilled essence of the 90s Vampire trope. Hellsing Abridged is my favorite take on the character :) Get that bitch a cannon.
HAL9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)
Hal isn't a robot I necessarily relate to but he sure as shit is one I empathize with. His & Dave's character arcs over the novels just make my heart melt. The little guy didn't do anything wrong he's just a little meow meow.
MEGATRON (Transformers franchise)
Megatron is one of those instantly compelling characters no matter what iteration you're talking about; you've got G1 Megs' comedic saturday morning cartoon villian style, IDW Megs' communist-turned-dictator backstory that feeds into a prison abolitionist tale of redemption, justice, and friendship; TFP's near tragic story of a low caste bot turned gladiator overthrowing an unjust system whose revolution was only fuelled by ego and anger; and Earthspark's G1 continuation wherein Megatron sees just how pointless the millions of years of war is and resigns himself to unite with his former enemies in the name of peace. Literally this character just never misses. As for designs, Alex Milne's IDW will always be the difinitive Megatron to me. <3
MAD GOD (2021)
Mad God is one of those movies where explaining the plot would be a disservice to the film. Explaining the THEMES would be a disservice. Trying to extrapolate the backstory, motivations, or circumstances driving the film forward is to cheapen the experience altogether; You really have to see it for yourself. Mad God places you in the voyeuristic position of watching a brutal world torn apart by endless directionless warfare, industry, cruelty, death, decay, and an interconnected web of life too complex to parse. The magnetism of the mixed-media practical effects in this movie are second to none, given life by director Phil Tippett over 30 years in the making. It's grotesque, visceral, awe-inspiring, and overall one of the most disturbing avant-garde/surrealist films I've seen since Tetsuo: The Iron Man. I could probably rewatch this movie over and over forever. My favorite characters are the nameless assassin, the nameless plague doctor, and the little fuzzy workers who keep getting (tragically, comically) brutally obliterated.
RATING:💀💀💀💀💀
THE EXORCIST III (1990)
The Exorcist 3 (a direct sequel to the first; we don't speak of The Exorcist 2) is one of those oft overlooked films that's near and dear to my heart, despite discovering it only relatively recently. William Blatty was back in the director's seat after having written the first Exorcist and its follow-up, Legion (renamed to The Exorcist III for its film adaptation), and the concise adherence to its themes and its own internal logic make for such a tight script that NOTHING is left out. It deals in uncertainty of faith just like its predecessor, this time through the lens of a police procedural that takes a supernatural turn in the most hideous ways imaginable. The film's crucible is the question "if there is a loving god, why do bad things happen?" and its ponderance results in a narrative acted out BRILLIANTLY between George C. Scott, Ed Flanders, and Brad Dourif. I say brilliant and I MEAN brilliant. The chemistry between charicters is riveting—Father Dyer and Detective Kinderman's friendship is so believable through their banter and their honest concern for one another makes the film's events all the more gut-wrenching. Brad Dourif's monologues as the demon and the gemini killer especially deserve a shoutout—the intensity of his tone, his very PRESENCE ramps up this film to an 11 in every scene he's in. It's just.... Such a good fucking movie. It's also got one of the best executed jumpscares in cinema history.
RATING:💀💀💀💀🦴
ALIEN (1979)
Alien is a masterwork of pacing, artistry, acting, and overall one of my favorite movies ever. Its a scifi film that follows a team of space freighters who pick up on a mysterious s.o.s. signal in deep space and end up stumbling on an alien ship brought down by something that's still alive in the wreckage. Featuring fantastic special effects and set design by legendary surrealist artist H.R. Giger, the film touches on themes of bodily autonomy, capitalism and class division, exploitation, assault, fear, and loss of control. What I appreciate most about Alien is just how DENSE it is thematically and visually; individual set details like the warning symbols, control panels, computer interfaces, company protocols—they're all implied to mean something to these characters, and watching the film feels effectively like watching a group of competent people who are comfortable in their surroundings and their jobs beset by disaster that NOBODY could anticipate. What's more is the snowballing of disasters that unfold as the story progresses are as obvious as they are uncontrollable—it brings to mind the pacing of a greek tragedy, it's the antithesis of an Idiot Plot. I could probably go on and on about the set details and the artistic choices and the making of this movie (it's been a long-standing special interest of mine) but I think I've said enough. See: My Favorite Characters above for less coherent lesbian rambling.
RATING:💀💀💀💀💀
SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)
Ok I know it's a cliche to have more than one heavy hitter in your favs but Silence of the Lambs is a legit comfort movie. Sue me. I have a complicated relationship with this film, (and Thomas Harris' work as a whole but that's another tangent) because on the one hand, Silence of the Lambs is a standout amongst 90s blockbusters which has a lot to say about the feminism and institutions of power, and on the other hand, it's a blatant work of copaganda which glorifies the FBI and paints a picture of trans women and gender nonconforming people as something to be derided and disgusted by, all the while leveraging its pace on the insights of a serial cannibal with near supernatural intellect and a taste for luxury. Somehow, Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter manages to have so much on-screen gravitas that Silence is remembered as HIS movie rather than its star, Clarice Starling (played fantastically by Jodie Foster). Despite hating its very core and opposing almost everything it stands for, I still can't find it in myself to fault this movie. Its slow reveals, its twisting paths obscuring and revealing truths, its grounded and shocking character acting—everything comes together in one of the greatest movies ever made. My mom and I still watch it together all the time.
RATING: 💀💀💀💀🦴
AMADEUS (1984)
Another comfort film I gained a love of because of my mom! Amadeus is a dramatization of the lives of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Antonio Salieri, told through the eyes of an aging and remorseful Salieri to a pastor after his suicide attempt. It's a film that frames itself beautifully in its opening scenes: a confession of guilt for Mozart's "assassination", a suicide attempt thwarted by in-home caretakers overlayed by Mozart's dramatic Symphony no.25 in G Minor "Allegro con brio", establishing shots that serve as a look into history, a display of pride that establishes the core of Salieri's character, and an essential question: ARE all men equal in god's eyes? It opens itself up as an exploration in the fallability of faith in the face of jealousy and artistic rivalry that consumes you from the inside. I've never really looked into how much of this film is historically accurate, but the sheer drama alone is captivating in a way few historical dramatizations ever manage to achieve. Its set in Vienna, Austria, and I could gush about its (slightly exaggerated) costuming and set design for AGES. Its historical dressing is uniquely pre-French Revolution, so that French/German Rococo style is accentuated HEAVILY in almost every shot; the sheer decadance of the outfits, the settings, the food, the background characters, UGH! It's a feast for the eyes. But then, the writing! The story! Salieri's regret shot through with bitterness and anger, his hard-hitting lines delivered by a carefully reserved F. Murray Abraham, and the phenomenally endearing character acting by Tom Hulce as Mozart is a fantastic counter to him in every way; Salieri's psychosexual obsession and one-upmanship really is second to none. I made a post a long time ago that about sums it up: "Drive your artistic rival to insanity because you love his work so much it makes you want to die. Blame god about it." The story's focus on Salieri's mediocrity (tangent: the man's music was groundbreaking and he's often considered one of the first influences behind the Romantic musical movement a la Tchaikovsky and Vivaldi, calling him or his work mediocre is a disservice to his legacy and its a hill I WILL die on) and his failure to reconcile that with his religion, and the heartache and pointless suffering that artists comparing themselves with one another leads to will forever strike a deep chord with me.
RATING: 💀💀💀💀💀
THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY (2001-2003)
I really don't even know what I could say about this trilogy that hasn't already been said, but I guess there's a reason Tolkien studies is an academic course. There are a million ways you can read this series, a million different angles and perspectives and metaphors and details to pick apart, but the reason it resonates so strongly even to this day is the HEART behind it. There's absolutely no room for insincerity in these movies; each line delivered, each glance, every touch feels like it's holding the weight of the world between characters. Despite each and every moment dripping with sincerity and grandeur and a great sense of importance, these movies never manage to feel cheesey. They take a flying leap and stick the landing like no movies have before or since. If you've never seen any of these films, do yourself a favor and take a few hours just to immerse yourself. You don't have to know anything about them, you don't have to read the books or research the characters; just chill out with the director's cut and admire the gorgeous craftsmanship behind each and every detail. These films are a love letter to everything that makes life worth living; the earth, good food, friendship, and a fuckass ton of swords.
RATING: 💀💀💀💀💀
